From Akilah to Kiki: How this cisgendered woman, became a daddy”

by Kiki

I have been struggling to write this for sometime, this and my misgendering piece.  I was doing research for a this day in history article, notably the 8/23 birthday of Antonia Novello, the first woman and first Latinx to serve as Surgeon General of the United States when inspiration struck.

BTW, this is the first time I have used Latinx in writing.  I googled and read an interesting article on Huffington Post about how Huff Post Latino Voices deals with the term.

So, I am cisgendered, I identify as a lesbian of African descent.  My pronouns are she/her. I have a deep voice, for the last two years I wear ties daily.  I am a blesbian (black lesbian) who wears ties.  I do not identify as butch although many folks have put me in this category.

I am a mother of two teens, an ex-wife and a current partner to a wonderful woman.

I am often misgendered on the the phone, sometimes in person.  It depends whether I correct someone.

Oh, I am a baby boomer and turned 60 on 4/3/2017.

So given this, how did I become a baby daddy?

I met the ‘baby’ 22 years old and it was truly love at first sight.  I asked KC, aka the baby, an identity question and KC responded quite simply that KC identifies as KC.

Of course my favorite lyric from I Would Die 4 U by Prince came to mind:  “I’m not your woman, I’m not your man, I am something that you’ll never understand . . .”

It was at that moment regardless of misgendering I was personally liberated to become a ‘daddy’ a term that I had eschewed vigorously in the past.  KC needed a daddy, (KC actually calls me dad) and apparently I could be there for KC.

Thank you KC for your strength, courage, and wisdom.  I love you.

And a special shout out to my baby mama, and KC’s mother, Shannon.  We are family and will continue to grow in love.

I relish my role as a ‘baby daddy’ and non-binary gender dynamics.  I was born Elizabeth Ann Thompson and changed my name to Akilah Monifa when I was in my early 20s. Kiki is a nickname I have had since my goddaughter had trouble pronouncing my name and now it’s my mononymous byline and more.  Holla.

Love, peace, joy, gratitude, faith, courage, compassion, and blessings.